La Brea Tar Pits Struggle in PVC (no death)

Its a blisteringly hot day today in southern California, me and my 400 pound wife Jenny decided that it would be a good day to go to the La Brea tar pits, no idea why on such a hot day when everyone else is inside enjoying the air conditioning. We always loved the hot weather, how our skin would get sticky with the sweat glistening on it. Today we had a very secret plan on our minds, a bit of an experiment, one that could possibly end up being fatal. But we were both so curious about this idea of ours that we had to try it out. We are going to go sinking in the La Brea tar pits. Jenny pulled out our PVC bib overalls, along with a pair of PVC rainshirt's along with PVC belts to seal us within a safe PVC cocoon so that the harsh tar would not touch our skin. Jenny asked, get in the PVC now and sweat our asses off on the 3 hour drive there or get into it when we get there. I spoke, why the hell put it on there, lets put it on now, we are wearing nothing under it, putting it on there could mean exposing our sexes. Jenny put her PVC bib overalls on first, I looked at the shiny orange PVC and said you look awesome. She pulled the smooth overalls up her hips and up to her chest and fastened the back braces to the front bib with the two snaps. She then pulled out a orange rainshirt and put that on gliding down over the PVC bib overalls. She then ratcheted the two ratcheting ankle adjustments on the bib overalls tight to seal out everything, and then she put on a PVC belt very tightly at her midsection, she repeated with ratcheting wrist adjustments and then finally a neoprene neck seal. This was almost like a dry suit but only in pieces. Once she had hers on i followed with mine, all in the same colors. The suits were tight fitting and I was already beginning to sweat and feel the PVC stick to my bare skin. Every move I made i felt it rub against my skin and stick even more, i really liked this. We walked out and got into our car, and the three hour drive started. About an hour and a half into the drive the air conditioner broke, thankfully we both had a serious liking for heat. The sweat would begin to pool in the suits before we got there so we might have to release the liquid by releasing the ankle and arm adjustments before we go into the tar. The guards at the La Brea tar pits are going to cooperate with us since we gave them a bribe of 500 dollars each. By the time we had arrived there we were both panting from the heat and the sweat was obviously pooled at our ankles and wrists. We drove up to the Authorized Personnel Only gates and then rang the buzzer, one of the guards came out and said. Alright Jenny and James, we aren't liable if you two die but if you get in trouble we have our good old crane here that we use to retrieve lost items, I am sure our crane will be able to pull you out hopefully. I am glad to see you heeded our warning about how harsh the chemicals are and constructed some drysuits. I replied to the guard, these are not special, we wear these all the time, we love the sweaty hot sticky PVC. The guard looked at us queerly and opened the gates, inside was a beach going into the tar. We drove our car carefully onto the beach as there was tar under the beach so it was not solid earth. We stepped out of the car and Jenny grabbed me and hugged me tightly and said, this is going to be fun baby! Our PVC suits sticking to each others very quickly during the hug, when we let go you could hear the crackle of the sticky PVC separating. We then both holding hands walked out onto the surface of the tar which was very shiny in areas and dull in others, the spot we stood on right now was a more dull spot but was soft feeling yet not something that would make you panic and say oh shit we are sinking. We stomped on the tar a little and it gave way swallowing Jenny's feet and my feet. it was very hot even though our feet were encased in PVC we could feel the sheer intense heat through the PVC, the pressure was very strong too. We tried to move our feet but did not avail very successfully, we were definitely going to need the crane, we decided to let ourselves sink more. about five minutes later we made it up to our knees, at this point it was now hopeless for us getting out on our own. I asked the guard, should we keep our hands above the tar or not worry. The guard said, your decision, but it will be easier to get you two out if you keep your hands above. The smell of the tar was overpowering to us and called for us to put our hands into the thick sticky goo, and so we grabbed hands and hugged each other, our descent quickened slightly for a moment and stopped as we sort of swam together, I felt our crotches touch and stick tightly. We were both hugging each other tightly as we descended more and more, the tar pressing the sticky sweaty PVC tightly into every crevice of our bodies, if it was 95 degrees outside its probably near 125 in the tar, this was nearing unbearable for us but we decided to press onwards for the experience. The tar reached our chest and began to press inwards on us, our breathing was now becoming compromised from the pressure of the heavy tar around us, would we make it I began to question. I signalled with my head for the guards to get the crane ready. then we hit a very thin soft spot with our feet, it was extremely hot, so hot it felt like our feet were burning inside of the PVC, but that was not possible as the guards said that the PVC should keep us safe. I didn't feel pain but I could no longer feel my feet, our descent quickened rapidly for a moment and we found ourselves up to our necks. Me and Jenny could now barely breathe, taking shallow breaths and conserving our energy we carefully breathed so that we would not suffocate. I tried to wiggle my legs and arms and yielded absolutely no movement, we were both locked tightly into the embrace of the tar pit. Our bodies at every part stuck to each other. The guard said, shit we better get you out of there now! They began to say, but how, we have nothing to grab onto. I said grab onto the collars of our PVC bib overalls, they are very strong, it says climbing grade 1500 pound load limit. One of the men climbed onto the shaft of the crane as it swung out above us, they lowered the crane cautiously right above my head and he fastened a small hook to the collar of my PVC bib overalls. I said Jenny I hope we make it out alive, this will be a great story to tell. We continued to descend, the tar now touching my unprotected parts of my neck and chin, it was extremely thick and slimy and hot feeling, so hot I am sure it was singing the hairs off of my neck and chin. The guards then said, shit we have to warm up the crane, it will be a minute or two. I screamed out I don't know if we have a minute or two. Jenny then said, I don't think we are going to make it, her chin slipped under the tar in balance with mine, thankfully we were both in the same position and sinking at the same rate. Then we felt the tar touch our lips and we pushed our heads together and kissed in a massive struggle to move our necks. The sticky tar making our lips lock tightly. We continued to sink as we heard the diesel engine of the crane come to life. The tar was nearing my nose and Jenny's nose when we suddenly felt the crane jerk us upward a few inches. We were back to our chins but still not out. The guard said, this is going to take a while but you guys are saved! For the next six hours we sat for a few minutes, felt another jerk, sat for a few minutes, felt another jerk, repeatedly this went on till we were finally freed. The tar dripping from the bottoms of our suits. They then put us down on the beach carefully and unhooked the hook from my collar. We were saved and would have such an experience to tell to the Yahoo community that we had been a part of. We had a camera set up and video taped the entire ordeal thanks to our friend Jill from the cinematography department. I then said to Jenny, how the hell are we going to get this tar off our suits, let alone how are we going to get these suits off. I tried to move my arms and legs that were tightly stuck to Jenny's back and legs, they wouldn't budge for any reason. The guard came out with a small bottle and rubbed it on my hands and arms and slowly rolled at my arms and legs until they were free, he then did the same at our bellies chest and necks. He then said, your lips, simply slobber in each others mouth for a few minutes and it should release. It was nice being able to move my arms and legs again after 7 hours of total immobilization. We stood up from the ground and the guard took us into his shack and said, I didn't think you two would make it. But you two are the first to ever do this, so I want you to have these. He took out a set of two brand new PVC bib overalls and rainshirts along with ratchet seals and neoprene neck seals, identical to our suits, only not 5 years old. Brand new he said, and they are yours. He then showed us the way to the changing closet for employees and let us in, We peeled off the old suits and left them in the shower area as we both took showers, hugging and kissing each other under the hot spring water in the shower system. We then put on the new suits, and got in our car, and drove home. And posted the story on Yahoo along with the video to YouTube.

The End